The alternate ending
by VampireAntihero
Summary: Buffy stood on the edge of what used to be Sunnydale. But what if she hadn't been so quick to believe Spike was really gone?
1. Chapter 1

Buffy Summers stared out hopelessly at the abyss that used to be Sunndydale. It had been five days since her home had been destroyed. Five days since they had averted the apocalypse. Five days since... Spike. She put her head in her hands and sighed. Turning around, she punched the pillow she had been resting on, trying to bring the thing she had been sleeping on the last 4 nights back to life, and trying not to wake Dawn, who had finally fallen asleep.

After the battle with the first had ended, Xander and Willow had taken the bus with the injured to the hospital, while Faith took the remaining slayers to Angel in L.A. No matter how much coercing the group did, Buffy and Dawn had refused to leave the cataclysmic hole that used to be Sunnydale. The sun was setting and they were to wait and pray for a miracle. Giles had finally given up the argument he knew he would never win, and simply took a seat beside the two.

Giles was convinced it was simply grief, that once the sun rose, the two would accept Spike was really gone and they could go to Angels with the rest of the group. That, however, had not happened. The two girls had agreed to return to Angels to shower and rest, but when night fell they returned to the ruin that had been their home. Giles had finally given up his pleas after the second night, convincing himself that the sisters would simply have to accept the platinum haired vampire's demise in their own time, no matter how long it took. Willow and Xander had both been supportive the first few nights, despite Xander's hatred of the Spike, but now it seemed they were truly on their own as they waited for a miracle in the form of Spike's return.

Buffy was jolted out of her thoughts by a bloodcurdling scream from Dawn. She reached for her and quickly began shaking the younger girl awake. After a moment, the screaming stopped and Dawn jolted straight up, sweat drenched hair flying in her face.

"Dawn" Buffy whispered, as she pulled her sister close to her, "it's alright. It was just a bad dream."

Dawn looked up at her sister, tears shining in her eyes. "Thats the thing, Buffy. It wasn't." with that, she collapsed on her sister, sobbing for the loss they had both suffered and, for the first time, Buffy let her grief fueled tears escape as she held her sister tight.

Angel paced his office, frustrated at the lack of control he had over recent turn of events. He had the whole of Wolfram and Hart ready when Willow called with news that they had won. The happiness he had felt quickly diminished with the news of the losses the team had suffered. Spike, however, was not among the deaths he had been mourning. Not until he saw Buffy.

As she walked into his office for the first time after the battle, he couldn't believe the change in his first love after such a short time. Her eyes were red and bloodshot and she looked as if she hadn't slept. The most worrisome change, however, had been her demeanor. Buffy had looked at him as if she didn't even know him. She had frozen in the doorway unmoving, until Dawn had pushed her slightly into the room. With Dawns hand guiding her into the room, Buffy's glazed look went away, and was replaced by one of feral anger.

"You" she said softly, her quiet voice doing nothing to conceal her rage. " This is your fault. You gave me the amulet. This is your fault."

Angel stepped up to her, ready to defend himself, tell her he was prepared to wear it himself. Before he could speak a work, Buffy's fist flew at him, knocking him into the glass behind him that was, thankfully, unbreakable.

As he sat up, stunned, Buffy bent down on his level. "I will never be cookies," she declared, her voice as cold as her eyes. "At least never for you." With that final blow, she allowed Dawn to lead her from the room.

At the moment Angel had been in to much shock to even reply to her violent display toward him. However the more he thought about it, the more he understood. Spike had been fighting by Buffy's side in the years that Angel had been away from her in L.A. She had come to rely on him and, when he had received his soul, Buffy had simply used him as a replacement for Angel. He felt sure that whatever feeling Buffy thought she felt for his grandchilde would diminish in time, and she would realize it was him she truly was in love with.


	2. Chapter 2

Day nine. That was Buffy's only thought as she stood in the shower in the hotel she and Dawn had moved to on day six. She still saw his face so clearly. She leaned against the side of the shower and closed her eyes, her thoughts taking her back to their last night together.

Buffy lay basking in the afterglow of their lovemaking, while Spike pulled a pack of cigarettes from his coat, which was thrown unceremoniously onto the floor.

"Who said you could smoke in my house," she mocked him, her eyes full of fire.

He simply smirked at her before replying, " I could always go outside."

"Don't you dare," she snipped, pulling him closer to her. "You can do whatever you want, just don't leave me".

His eyes widened as he heard the terrified tone in her voice and the wild look in her eyes. She never looked at him that way. He placed the pack of cigarettes on the cot and pulled the small blonde slayer even closer to him.

"Hey now," he said, running his hand across her cheek and through her hair. "S'alright. I'm not going anywhere"

"Good", she replied, snuggling even closer if that was possible. "Cause I'll kick your ass if you do."

Buffy had barely been awake at his response moments later but she heard it. She felt him pull her closer and the three words he said to her so often. And she feigned sleep.

Buffy blinked tears out of her eyes at the memory. What was wrong with her. She knew how she felt. A part of her had known from the moment he said "you know you wanna dance". She had Riley then and was disgusted with herself for having the slightest attraction to the vampire. She had been unable to kill him even before that, telling herself that he was to strong. She almost laughed through her tears at that thought. Spike was very strong, but his lamebrain schemes always failed horribly.

She still remembered the way he looked at her when she came back from heaven. Like she was the most precious gift. He had made her feel like she could survive. She had treated him like shit just for loving her and he allowed it. He was the only thing that made her feel alive and she had ended their relationship for that very fact. The enormity of her feelings for Spike, be it hatred, lust, or, in the end, love, had always frightened her. So she ran. She didn't want those feelings. Love for a vampire was not acceptable for a slayer. She knew from experience that it would only end badly. That he would leave. She realized Spike was different when he returned with his soul. Ensouled, he scared her more than he ever had before. He could hurt her and she didn't want to be hurt. She had tried to stay away but that night... It had been precious to her as well. But when he asked her what it meant, the fear had crept back in. She would tell him later. She had time. She thought after the battle, she could tell him what he meant to her, how much she needed him. And they would just be happy. Forever.

She had many happy memories of the last year they had spent together as friends, but her last moments with him haunted her. She had to tell him. She couldn't let him leave her without knowing. After all the times her begged for her love, when she gave it, he didn't believe her! "Stupid Vampire", she mumbled to herself. Pulling herself from her thoughts, she turned off the water and begin drying herself thoroughly with a towel. Looking in the mirror, she made a face and began brushing her hair. She had to get her emotions together. Falling apart would do nothing to help. She would find a way to bring him back. There was no other option. Besides, if Willow could bring her back...


End file.
